101. 2. The status quo sucks. ~ (George Carlin). Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. I was thinking about how people seem to read the bible a lot more as they get older, and then it dawned on metheyre cramming for their final exam. If not, no matter." Tell people there's an invisible man in the sky who created the universe, and the vast majority will believe you. What if there were no hypothetical questions? ~ (George Carlin). Toothpicks? ~ (George Carlin). Trump's latest attack addresses DeSantis' overseas trips to the U.K., Israel, Florida's Covid-19 record, and polling support for the 2024 Presidential race. ", "I think people should be allowed to do anything they want. I have more sympathy for an injured or dead animal than I do for an injured or dead human being, because human beings participate and cooperate in their own undoing. I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear themusic. 1. The following statement is true. I see a glass thats twice as big as it needs to be. I often warn people: "Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, 'There is no "I" in team.' FUCK THEM. Well who has less abortions than homosexuals? 77. One can never know for sure what a deserted area can look like. If he were working today theyd call him a right-wing conspiracy theorist. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid. He won several Grammy awards and was posthumously honored with the Mark Twain Prize for American Humor. He Was Fatally Beaten by Memphis Police Now People Around the World Are Sharing #SunsetsForTyre in His Honor, 41 Daughter Quotes That Will Touch and Melt Your Heart, Monday Motivation: 36 Powerful Quotes to Jump-Start the Beginning of Your Week, 20 Most Inspiring Martin Luther King Jr. Teach them to question what they read. Heres all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose., "Life is not that complicated. That was me when I was fourteen. Ironic that political wings have come to fight over claiming Carlins humor for their own affiliations when his comedy career was a controversial compilation of his own bold assessments and ruthless truths that could offend anyone and everyone on a given topic with neither prejudice nor remorse. One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim. They own and control the corporations. These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. He was a true originala brash, intelligent, eloquent voice that cut to the quick. TIME takes a look at some of the legendary comedian's most memorable lines. I just dont have as many people who believe it., "I'm completely in favor of the separation of church and state. You wouldn't say I'm proud to be 5'11"; I'm proud to have a pre-disposition for colon cancer., "Here's a bumper sticker I'd like to see.We are the proud parents of a child who has resisted his teachers' attempts to break his spirit and bend him to the will of his corporate masters. "Because Carlin brutally bashed political correctness and used vulgar language--some of which is considered taboo today--many neo-puritan progressives have abandoned him and completely dismissed his brilliant works.It's a tragedy that he was relegated to an unworthy status by so many on the left, considering how deeply sympathetic he was to marginalized groups who have suffered oppression, abuse and mistreatment. 105. Deal with it. ~ (George Carlin). 10. Have you ever wondered why Republicans are so interested in encouraging people to volunteer in their communities? If your kid needs a role model and you aint it, youre both f***ed. Now it's the zombie liberal.They say politics makes strange bedfellows--because today, the first amendment is under attack from people on the right and the left. Theres a humorous side to every situation. 47. As for the poor, they tell us theyve Its so f***ing heroic. Let a smile be your umbrella, and youll end up with a face full of rain. ~ (George Carlin). This is what we have to offer. But just as pressure and heat transform coal into diamonds, it's that frustration, social pressure and the heat of anger that transforms us into comedians. Life is a near-death experience. ~ (George Carlin). Ice Cube may be engaging in a political kerfuffle with Democrats following the news of his latest partnership with President Donald Trump's administration for the "Platinum Plan," but the rapper and actor is keen on letting his fans and followers know that he is not necessarily banding together with the government, despite what the past week of headlines might suggest. We are a nation of sheep, and someone else owns the grass. 64. ", "Boy, these conservatives are really something, aren't they? Youre just going to wind up with a brand new bunch of selfish, ignorant Americans. In America, anyone can become president. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Theyve never had rights. This is the best we can do folks. May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house. ~ (George Carlin). WebAmerican stand-up comedian George Carlin is notable for his long-standing popularity from the early 60s up until his death in 2008. The planet is fine. However, he calls himself an apatheist (meaning that he's an atheist who doesn't care about the topic). ", "I'm pretty sick of church people. To view the purposes they believe they have legitimate interest for, or to object to this data processing use the vendor list link below. ", "The owners of this country don't want that. ", "Catholics and other Christians are against abortions and they're against homosexuality. Find one that fits for you, but dont make me wear your shoes. ~ (George Carlin). 62. Apparently, we're not ready for that., "The very existence of flamethrowers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, 'You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done. We get what we deserve. Every religion is by all means to be respected but the role of the Churches is debatable. In the standup special, which premiered just three years before Carlin's death, the comedian claims that "the real owners are the big wealthy business interests that control things and make all the important decisions." Life is not measured by the number of breath we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. -- "Dance for yourself. 28. George Carlin was way ahead of his time. Garbage out. ", "The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post 'Thou shalt not steal,' 'Thou shalt not commit adultery,' and 'Thou shalt not lie' in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. Theyre all in favour of the unborn. Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music. ~ (George Carlin). 111. Bruce Lee was raised Catholic and Buddhist. The planet isnt going anywhere. Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough not to quit. 49. It's so obvious that it almost goes without saying, but comedians are generally more intelligent and sensitive than the average person. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid. Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time. WebBest George Carlin Quotes 1. He often spoke about his youth in Catholic school and, as a result of his particular schools relatively liberal approach to education, he says, he was given the intellectual freedom to eventually reject the faith. 103. They own you. Analyse the Republicans now.#DemVoice1 #Fresh pic.twitter.com/1VVJdfOnVg, Tony #DemVoice1 (@TonyHussein4) May 21, 2022. People always tell me Have a nice day. Well what if I dont want to? Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. My first rule: I dont believe anything the government tells me. Quotes, 60 Confidence Quotes to Help You Understand Your Self-Worth, Golfer Tattoos His Dads Advice on His Arm How Those Last Words Help Him Focus, Time Flies: 29 Couples and Families That Mastered the Art of Recreating Old Photos, This Couple Bought and Revamped an Abandoned Laundromat Now Its a Thriving Community Hub With Free Laundry Days, Woman Buys 3-Year-Old a New Bike After She Finds Out His Was Stolen Only Later Does Everyone Find Out Her Real Story. Electricity is really just organized lighting. ~ (George Carlin). By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth. People are wonderful. The poor are therejust to scare the shit out of the middle class. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, Wheres the self-help section? She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. ~ (George Carlin). Swimming is not a sport. Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit. They've long since bought and paid for the Senate, the Congress, the statehouses, the city halls. They're all in favor of the unborn. The people are fucked.. Everyone experiences pain, of course. Who would've ever thought radical feminists would team up with religious zealots to usher in a new wave of censorship and control?Oh, if Carlin was still alive today. ", "Conservatives don't give a shit about you until you reach military age. Property is theft. I call him Governor Bush because thats the only political office hes ever held legally in this country. 61. Well, not overnight, you cant see the sun at night. Overnight I became a sun-worshipper. Tell people theres an invisible man in the sky who created the universe, and the vast majority will believe you. ", "If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you're going to haveselfish, ignorant leaders. ", "There may or may not beatheists in foxholes, but I'm certain there are none in the Ku Klux Klan. April 18, 2023, To Get Exclusive Deals, Latest Products, Free Articles & Libertarian News, 2023 Libertarian Country. Everyone smiles in the same language. ~ (George Carlin). He and if there is a God, I am convinced he is a he, because no woman could or would ever f*** things up this badly. Thats the problem. ~ (George Carlin). It's impressive that a comedian delivered some of the most thought-provoking and intellectual content ever. Web"The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept" - George Carlin Vote 3 comments Add a Comment Slartibartfast39 2 hr. Religion is like a pair of shoes..Find one that fits for you, but don't make me wear your shoes. And America is not alone with this sort of delusions. As for me, Ill be home on that day, doing essentially the same thing as you, the only difference is, when I get finished masturbating, Im going to have a little something to show for it folks. We are a nation of sheep, and someone else owns the grass. ~ (George Carlin). I have as much authority as the Pope. The Kennedy Center posthumously awarded this year's Mark Twain Prize for American Humor to George Carlin. The Grammy-Award-winning star of 14 stand-up comedy specials on HBO, George Carlin was widely considered one of Americans most influential comedians. Military cemeteries around the world are packed with brainwashed dead soldiers who were convinced God was on their side. - Twyla Tharp -- "Let us dance in the sun, wearing windflowers in our hair." 97. And term-limits aint going to do you any good. George Carlin, in full George Denis Patrick Carlin, (born May 12, 1937, New York, N.Y., U.S.died June 22, 2008, Santa Monica, Calif.), American comedian whose Seven Words You Can Never Say on Television routine led to a U.S. Supreme Court ruling that gave the Federal Communications Commission (FCC) the right to determine when to Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body. ~ (George Carlin). 59. I put a dollar in a change machine. Political correctness is Americas newest form of intolerance, and it is especially pernicious because it comes disguised as tolerance. Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time. I have lots of ideas. 113. March 24, 2023. When you step on the brakes, your life is in your foots hands. They dont pass through a membrane from another reality. We talk too much,love too seldom, and hate too often. America, America, man sheds his waste on thee, And hides the pines with billboard signs, from sea to oily sea. ~ (George Carlin). They should be giving their money to you. ~ (George Carlin). Ioanna Zafeiriou Theres no present. An idle mind is the devils workshop. And the devils name is Alzheimers. ~ (George Carlin). We haven't tried that for a while. Regarding the fitness craze: America has lost its soul; now its trying to save its body. ~ (George Carlin). Carlin passed away in 2008 of heart failure.With his sparkling intellect and caustic humour, George Carlin derided and criticized political, religious, cultural and taboo subjects. "Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. Famous quotes on life, death, politics and of course the American government. 117. ", I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' The planet is fine. 17. They spend billions of dollars every year lobbyinglobbying to get what they want. When fascism comes to America, it will not be in brown and black shirts. They come from American parents, and American families, American homes, American schools, American churches, American businesses, and American universities. 60. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death. What if I want to have a crappy day? ~ (George Carlin). Copyright 2017 iComedyTV.com. And in 2017,Rolling Stone magazine ranked Carlin second on its list of the 50 Best Stand-Up Comics of All Time, just behind Richard Pryor. 40. It's important in life if you don't give a shit. No contest. 34. Cocked, locked, and ready-to-rock. So we are going to have to do lots of things different as a Black community," Ice Cube said in a video shared on Twitter on October 11. BAM! That in of itself should make you think.Carlin performed many standup comedy routines and HBO specials, acted in dozens of television and movie productions, recorded spoken-word albums, and was the author of several books, with titles like Brain Droppings (97) and Napalm and Silly Putty (01).What I loved about Carlin was his dedication to freethinking and independent thought. If you vote, and you elect dishonest, incompetent people, and they get into office and screw everything up, well you are responsible for what they have done, YOU caused the problem, you voted them in, you have no right to complain. It presents itself as Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. ~ (George Carlin). The shit they shuffle around every four years doesnt mean a fuckin thing. 19. If you vote and you elect dishonest, incompetent people into office who screw everything up, you are responsible for what they have done. George Carlin Quotes The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept. Because he likes our National Anthem? Its delusional thinking! It will not be with jack-boots. When youre born into this world, youre given a ticket to the freak show. Keep 'em showing up at those 'jobs. The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to To change your comments display name, click here. '", "When fascism comes to America, it will not be in brown and black shirts. How are YOU going to tackle today? And a April 20, 2023, by Libertarian Country Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. 76. Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Be happy with what youve got. People are dreaming if they think they have rights. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid. ~ (George Carlin). ", "There are 200 countries in the world now. ", "Have you ever wondered whyRepublicansare so interested in encouraging people to volunteer in their communities? If your kid needs a role model and you ain't it, you're both fucked. Considered as one of the greatest stand-up comedians of all time, his distinctive and provocative style of speeches, aimed at ridiculing the vices of the American society, redefined the genre and influenced a great number of comics.He started his career in the radio and in nightclub acts before his breakout in a variety of television shows that made him a popular household name. The planet is fine. 54. My mother would say, Why are you always playing alone? And I would say, Im not playin, Ma. 27 George Carlin Quotes For Freethinkers and Rebels, Skip our thoughts on George Carlin and jump straight to the quotes, 26 Voltaire Quotes Everyone Should Read Today, Bipartisan Bill Would Ban Children Under 13 From Using Social Media, Anti-Gun Yard Signs Are an Invitation To Criminals. Some people have to go to work and dont have time for all that. They'll do anything they can to save a fetus, but if it grows up to be a doctor they just might have to kill it? If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. In recent years, the popularity of George Carlin has amplified among constitutional conservatives, libertarians, anarchists and freethinkers. All Rights Reserved. 1. And the main reason women are crazy is that He was a spiritual atheist as an adult. 79. There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls. - George Carlin International Dance Day 2023: Wishes and Messages for the occasion Some people see the glass half full. Laugh often, long and loud. 31. 15. Continue with Recommended Cookies. Never let the brain idle. The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity. The quote continues: "They own all the important land. The people are fucked. What's the fucking mystery? 125 George Carlin Quotes 1. The only good thing ever to come out of religion was. ", "If you scratch a cynic, you'll find a disappointed idealist. No neonatal care, no day care, no Head Start, no school lunch, no food stamps, no welfare, no nothing. When you're born into this world, you're given a ticket to the freak show. I think people should be allowed to do what they want. We think in words. Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation? ~ (George Carlin). ", "Never underestimate the power ofstupid people in large groups. Tax them. Carlin considered conservatives and Republicans the greedy, warmongering class in political ideologies. Here are some of our favorite George Carlin quotes on politics. Enjoy! 10. In America, anyone can become president. Thats the problem. 11. I call him Governor Bush because thats the only political office hes ever held legally in this country. 93. No, you don't see them adopting a whole lot of crack babies, do you? If someone understands, good. If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, youre gonna get selfish, ignorant leaders. 108. Teach them to question what they read. After that, they don't want to know about you. Then they think you are just fine, just what they've been looking for. '", Pride should be reserved for something you achieve or obtain on your own, not something that happens by accident of birth. Oh Beautiful for smoggy skies, insecticided grain, For strip-mined mountains majesty above the asphalt plain. 50. Dont just teach your children to read. The people are fucked. Heres all you have to know about men and women: Women are crazy, men are stupid. A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff. The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept. ~ (George Carlin). Thats why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it. ~ (George Carlin). 63. But first thing the next morning, I became a sun-worshipper. Life gets really simple once you cut out all the bullshit they teach you in school. It will be Nike sneakers and Smiley shirts. 12. Being Irish isn't a skillit's a fucking genetic accident. Thats the problem. A good motto to live by: 'Always try not to get killed. Yes, it's the only way I can be sure of intelligent conversation." 35. War, disease, death, destruction, hunger, filth, poverty, torture, crime, corruption, and the Ice Capades. The only person who is with us our entire life is ourselves. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. ~ (George Carlin). Dont sweat the petty things and dont pet the sweaty things. ~ (George Carlin). Save the trees, save the bees, save the whales, save those snails. ~ (George Carlin). The planet is fine. Some people dream of things that never were, and ask, why not? Everything He ever makesdies. 94. No contest. May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house. Yeah the public sucks. ", "Here's all you need to know about men and women. 55. 'Cause pretty soon they have little hats. 90. Quotes by George Carlin One of the most iconic comedians of all time. Religion is just mind control. ~ (George Carlin). They are our elected officials. ~ (George Carlin). https://t.co/f7cD8Ng2AA. "I have certain rules I live by. This country was founded by slave owners who wanted to be free. Sooner or later the people in this country are going to realize: the government does not give a f**k about them. He said: [There was] a lot of classroom freedomin fact there was so much freedom that by eighth grade, many of us had lost the faith. Conservatives want live babies so they can raise them to be dead soldiers. As for the poor, they tell us theyve lost all incentive because weve given them too much money.[6]. The challenge is to find it. An example of data being processed may be a unique identifier stored in a cookie. Fortunately, fans of Carlin are not easily persuaded that everything must align with partisan preference. 30. May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house. It will be a lot of fun. Maher is a liberal who has endorsed at least the last two Democratic presidential candidates. At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom. Webwelcome to another episode of George Carlin quotes what George Carlin Quotes, What I Think About Politics. But apparently only when swallowed in small amounts over a long period of time. ~ (George Carlin). The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity. ~ (George Carlin). Deal with it. Thats the problem. 68. He described himself thus: "Im a rude dude, but Im the real deal. Life is not measured by the breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breathe away. ~ (George Carlin). 23. Just a friendly reminder that George Carlin would despise and verbally disembowel the vast majority of pundits, public figures, and random idiots currently heaping praise on him because it's trendy. He said: Once you leave the womb, conservatives dont care about you until you reach military age. 84. ", "Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. Men are stupid. "Hmm? I on the other hand, who did not vote, WHO DID NOT VOTE. Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body. 36. Because you have the most money? It creates a hostile work environment. You get up, you go to work, you eat three meals, you take one good s**t, and you go back to bed. WebHere are some of our favorite George Carlin quotes on politics. 22. Deal with it. 21. Tell people theres an invisible man in the sky who created the universe, and the vast majority will believe you. 33. Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that. I was a loner as a child. Current quotes, historic quotes, movie quotes, song lyric quotes, game quotes So, have a little fun. They don't want to hear from you. April 27, 2023, by Libertarian Country Leave these f**king people alone for Christ's sake. They should be giving their money to you. 27. Carlin proved that mixing comedy with thought-provoking ideas is perhaps the only way to get people to listen. Teach them to question everything. Never argue with an idiot. Could it be everyone? The quality of our thoughts and ideas can only be as good as the quality of our language. ~ (George Carlin). 7. Animals are completely innocent. Thats the only thing keeping it and expanding it wherever possible. God has. The Catholic Church alone could wipe out the national debt if all you did was tax their real estate. Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck. It presents itself as fairness, yet attempts to restrict and control people's language with strict codes and rigid rules. I'm not sure silencing people or forcing them to alter their speech is the best method for solving problems that go much deeper than speech.
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