I ran, um I ran for president of the United States, and I dont think I won, because nobodys called and I quit watching television. And I wet the bed! And Im like, Me too! And I never told him. Sorry. Stay up-to-date on all the latest Rotten Tomatoes news! And I asked the guy, I said How much are the dildos? And he goes, [angrily] Theyre not dildos, theyre personal massagers. All right. Im in my car, all intimidated. Just laying there dead, cause it died somewhere? They also say friends dont let friends drive drunk. Now Ive got questions. Thats what I do. I dont have that kind of mirror or that kind of friend. An action packed stay in rehab. Dont worry about them. After dedicating years of service at a matchmaking company, Arini tries to piece together her mysterious past and memories of a former client. Required fields are marked *. Its a nickel for a hundred of em. Somebody asked me to do this story. But on the way, they must confront what it means to be different. Youre not even trying? I dont have another eight goddamn dollars. And I called the front desk in a panic. You imagine how I think fucking now what Id do to you. But oddly enough, I do have a suggestion for this. Why? More for how they dont have to deal with marriage. Im in the road! Does a Z-pattern to get across. And the guy that played Tarzan was a really, really handsome fella, and he was really a good-looking guy, but I was watching it, thinking, You know, if that guy from Thor, Chris Hemsworth, was in this, this would really be a better movie, cause Id just rather look at Chris Hemsworth without his shirt on. What the fuck did you just think? Baby goose pussy lips makes wagyu beef taste like boot leather. Tiger doesnt get any credit for all that pussy he turned down, and thats the number youre looking for right there. Get in the car. He likes them big big. Ill come back over and pay you. This is what he says: Well, those dont look like the socks of a man who would steal an egg. Yeah, they sure the fuck dont. A military-trained assassin comes out of hiding to protect the daughter she's never met from ruthless criminals gunning for revenge. Terms and Policies It was a story about a town in the Middle East where, by law by law, the women who live in this town have to wear burkas with one eyehole. Thats an agility test, and Im not very goddamn agile, all right? 1,216, Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window), Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window), Click to share on WhatsApp (Opens in new window), Click to email a link to a friend (Opens in new window), Does 'Yellowstone' Return Tonight? Do you have any advice, Mr. White? Now, Id just got off the ugliest phone call Ive ever had with my wife, and it was about that house, and part of that house was gonna be a rehearsal space for her band, and while I was shooting a pilot in Vancouver, it turned into a 24-track recording studio. There are no featured reviews for Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up because the movie has not released yet (). This happened last Wednesday at The Comedy Store in LA. Im not gay, but I have these moments. Go behind the scenes of Netflix TV shows and movies, see what's coming soon and watch bonus videos on, Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up (Teaser), Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up (Trailer). By opting to have your ticket verified for this movie, you are allowing us to check the email address associated with your Rotten Tomatoes account against an email address associated with a Fandango ticket purchase for the same movie. He goes, Well, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer, and I said, Well, heres the bad news, Hoss. And right before I went on stage, I was in the green room of the main room, and they came over there and they said, Ron, they need you in the OR. I never thought anybody would fucking say that, you know? [inaudible] [shouting] Whats it look like now? Ron White: If You Quit Listening I'll Shut Up | Stand-up Special Trailer [HD] | Netflix Netflix 25.4M subscribers 118K views 4 years ago Fully-functioning organs are not necessary. It happened a long time ago, which doesnt fucking matter. Thats the worst thing you can be as a little kid is a fucking bed-wetter. We decided to break it up, and Vegas will make you horny if you let it. It was about three years ago, and there were six comics in an open forum, telling stories, and this is the story that I told. Theyre not natural. Cats die when they touch the road. Thats all. Thats what kind of person I am right there, 12 years old. Because this dick wont suck itself. Ill show you dick.. Natures most shitty critical thinkers. JOIN NOW Videos Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up Is she there? And theres never anybody there. You know, the fame and fortune and all that? And I said, I dont think so, but I kept thinking about it, and I realized its changed me in two ways. : At The Dolby' On LouisCK.com, Where The Comedian Continues To Beat Around The Offensive Bush, Stream It Or Skip It: 'Celeste Barber: Fine, Thanks' On Netflix, The Star Of 'Wellmania' Explores Her Social Anxiety, The Comics Comic Presents Last Things First, Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up, 'Jackass' Star Bam Margeras Brother Claims Hes Dying Amid Alleged Drug Addiction: There Is Nothing I Can Do About It, Egyptian Government Says Cleopatra Had "White Skin" In Response To Netflix Documentary Casting Controversy, Fans Claim 'American Idol' Judges Are "Losing All Credibility" After Being Too Soft on Contestant, Where to Watch The 2023 Met Gala: Start Time, Theme, Live Stream Info, Woody Harrelson Ignored Internet Backlash About His 'SNL' COVID Monologue: "I Don't Look at That Sh", Stream It Or Skip It: 'The Nurse' On Netflix, A Danish Drama About A New Nurse That Suspects That A Colleague Is Killing Patients, Tom Sandoval Admits to Lying About Raquel Leviss Sleepover in New 'Vanderpump Rules': "I Fully Was Going to Tell Ariana", James Corden Gets Hit by a Car While Yelling "I'm a Star" in Final 'Crosswalk the Musical'. And word of that spreads throughout the criminal community. I fucking hate em. The other day I was watching Tarzan, the new Tarzan movie. And I wear wild socks, and So Im having breakfast in this restaurant across the street from the hotel Im staying in, by myself, and I finish with my meal, I realize I dont have any money. Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up. Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up 2018 | Maturity Rating: 16+ | 1h 3m | Stand-Up Comedy Ron "Tater Salad" White dishes out his signature brand of cynicism, riffing on sex, celebrity and the sinister habits of wild geese. Um, Im from a very, very small dusty town in northwest Texas, and I grew up in this little bitty house that was built by my father and my grandfather the year I was born, 1956. We walk up to this booth that only sells dildos. Thats not a sobriety test. These are two broke fucking fingers. Watch Ron White only on Netflix: https://www.netflix.com/in/title/80244900Follow NETFLIX IS A JOKE:Facebook: www.facebook.com/NetflixIsAJokeTwitter: www.twitter.com/NetflixIsAJokeInstagram: www.instagram.com/NetflixIsAJokeSUBSCRIBE: http://bit.ly/29qBUt7About Netflix:Netflix is the world's leading internet entertainment service with 130 million memberships in over 190 countries enjoying TV series, documentaries and feature films across a wide variety of genres and languages. And he comes up to me and goes [high-pitched] Mr. Ron, wake up. No, no, White proudly proclaims on his fifth stand-up comedy special, and first for Netflix, that at 61, hes a raging alcoholic.. This goose comes out of this pond like a fucking killing machine. Not because they try to say something funny. You ever seen a dead goose anywhere in your goddamn life? Watch Ron White: If You Quit Listening Ill Shut Up on Netflix, This story has been shared 41,150 times. Well, that same year my dear friend Bill Engvall, the dancer People ask me all the time, Do you think youll ever do Dancing With The Stars? Im like, Not unless something goes horribly fucking wrong., Well, that year, Bill was touring with Reba McEntire. Call 9-1-1 or something. Do Not Sell or Share My Personal Information. A military-trained assassin comes out of hiding to protect the daughter she's never met from ruthless criminals gunning for revenge. Somebodys gotta drive. But it turns out, theyre great watchdogs. Dont drink and drive. Oh, you can see it in their eyehole. Viagra. A young man's trip to attend a funeral and a wedding on the same day leads to a journey of self-discovery when he's captivated by a chance encounter. If You Quit Listening I'll Shut Up opens with soundbites from White's previous specials, then we see him onstage, in a crisp suit, revealing to his fans how fame and fortune has changed. The same week we were at the MGM Grand, they were at Caesars Palace, and that same weekend, Larry The Cable Guy was at the International House of Pancakes in Tucson, Arizona. And I was there with a woman I couldnt stand eventually. Link to Are You There God? A chaotic intervention. Cinemark Whats she doing to Wilson? When she looks the other way, I just grab it. For Whites part, he revisits a story he once told on SiriusXM a few years ago during the Just For Laughs Comedy Festival, which is about the week he opened for another comedian at the Punchline in Sacramento. Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up I could not possibly care any less. And he had bunk beds in his room, and Joe Paines on the top bed, Danny Davis is on the lower bed, and Im on a sleeping bag on the floor, and I wet the fucking bed, and Im, like, mortified. This is also his first stand-up special since his 2011's 'A Little Unprofessional'. And I double snotted my own fucking television. Dont wake White up just yet. I may or may not be a little drunk. [snorting] I dont, really Ive got tons of gay friends, most of em male dancers from fucking Vegas, and theyre like, We want to get married too. Im like, Youre going to fucking hate it, but, I think the Supreme Court fucked up the best thing about being gay. And I am an idea man, too. Remove Ads Cast Crew Details Genres Cast Ron White 63 mins More at IMDb TMDb Sign in to log, rate or review Share Ratings 1 fan 3.3 One anything has the potential to become a DUI checkpoint if you crash your car into it. Come on down to the Golden Corral. the press, a -- top -- as well as the family of evan gershkovich which -- while it is a star studded, lighthearted evening, there is that backdrop of serious issues going on. But she was well within my budget. Joe Rogan with Ron White on Dane Cook, Carlos Mencia & Stealing Jokes From Comedians! [mooing] We have a chocolate waterfall and a cotton candy machine. In the summer, I keep a bowl of limes right next to the salt shaker, and Ill just get a lime, squirt a little lime juice in there, little bit of salt, hunker down, do some pussy shots. Members can play, pause and resume watching, all without commercials or commitments.Connect with Netflix Online:Visit Netflix WEBSITE: http://nflx.it/29BcWb5Like Netflix Kids on FACEBOOK: http://bit.ly/NetflixFamilyLike Netflix on FACEBOOK: http://bit.ly/29kkAtNFollow Netflix on TWITTER: http://bit.ly/29gswqdFollow Netflix on INSTAGRAM: http://bit.ly/29oO4UPFollow Netflix on TUMBLR: http://bit.ly/29kkemTRon White: If You Quit Listening Ill Shut Up | Stand-up Special Trailer [HD] | Netflix http://youtube.com/netflix I just never have. In the wake of her prom scandal, Princess Margrethe longs for normalcy as she struggles to maintain her perfect facade while dealing with family drama. You guys are amazing. 2021 Scraps from the Loft. Videos Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up Im going to do it, cause Im surprised they know it, but I support the Montreal Comedy Festival, and if you ever have a chance to go to Montreal in the summer to go to the festival, its the coolest fucking thing there is. Eat this baby goose pussy lip taco., Back in 1996, my dear friend Jeff Foxworthy became the biggest comedian that ever lived. Youd think you can tell a mans mouth from a womans mouth, but you cannot. I do it all the time. We have an all-access pass to Las Vegas, which is way better than the no-access pass we had right before that. Youre still going to hop in that motherfucker. Build a net. It says, Please enjoy your feature film, but nothing comes on the television. Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up 2018 | Maturity Rating: 18+ | 1h 3m | Stand-Up Comedy Ron "Tater Salad" White dishes out his signature brand of cynicism, riffing on sex, celebrity and the sinister habits of wild geese. Thats all. You let me think, I went my whole life, that Id pissed in Joe Paines fucking bunk bed?, So my wife and I, we both tour extensively, and, uh she bought us two dogs, which, you know, just makes touring easier if you have a couple of dogs to drag with you on all those flights, and she bought us two French Bulldogs. Theyre going to fucking know. I saw this on the news the other day. I really do. Sign in to rate and Watchlist for personalized recommendations. Nobody wants to talk about it but me. 4,772, This story has been shared 3,426 times. Thats all you get. Whats the problem? I said, I ordered a movie, it said, Please enjoy your feature film, but nothing came on the TV. She goes, What did you order? Cast Away. Ron "Tater Salad" White dishes out his signature brand of cynicism, riffing on sex, celebrity and the sinister habits of wild geese. that does it for me tonight, thanks for spending part of your saturday with us. Nobody gives a shit. That little spot tastes like Skittles. [cheering and applause] Thats pretty slick. And we decided on a date that we would do it, and we decided to do it from the Punchline here in Atlanta in front of a live crowd, and it was really fun. Ron Tater Salad White dishes out his signature brand of cynicism, riffing on sex, celebrity and the sinister habits of wild geese. And not the fuzzy sweater, lovable slurring kind of drunk uncle, either. Hes a more believably real-life incarnation of The Beverly Hillbillies, growing up poor in dusty, rural Texas, only to strike it rich in comedy, and move in with his newest wife into a home theyve built in Beverly Hills. Just below that it reads "Ticket Confirmation#:" followed by a 10-digit number. Im like, Oh! Follow officers from a South Carolina sheriffs department as they urgently search for individuals who've disappeared under troubling circumstances. And I was so goddamn mad. Unless one of them wet the bed. And as a 12-year-old, I make a conscious decision to piss on my friend to make me look better. You fucking idiot. I thought about being gay one time, and I changed my mind when it came my turn. Im not trying to be an asshole, and I go, Really? I dont know if it just looks tired or sad, or worried about something it cant do anything about. You and her were standing in the kitchen and looked at that lime. And when I was in Edinburgh, I realized that the Scots made me laugh harder than anybody. This is what this DJ says to me: Ron Every time a celebrity calls our station, we always ask the same question: If you could have a conversation with anyone, living or dead, who would it be? And I said Living. And he tried to explain it to me. And these guys are laughing and dancing and drinking, and theyre having a fucking blast. My fucking life is over. And not because if somebody was breaking into our house, they would make a bunch of noise and scare those people away, because you couldnt possibly wake them up. Any ideas? Anyway, it gets to be 5:30 in the morning. Now, I wont drive drunk, but I will ride with somebody that cant blow a .08 and not fucking know it. Im not busting on women from the Middle East. And I was about 12 years old and I had gone three months without wetting the bed. Did you hear that? Did you just wake me up to ask me if I heard something? Now Ive never walked in the doors of this place, and I dont know exactly what theyre up to, but apparently some people are really unhappy with the color of the old bunghole. Hes lucky I dont know where hes buried. Watch Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up | Netflix Official Cinemark Youre just spreading your ass cheeks, squatting into a tray of solution for a limited amount of time for a desired result. Ron White - Take 2 Viagra and demand a pat down. The image is an example of a ticket confirmation email that AMC sent you when you purchased your ticket. Literally, people come from all over the world to buy stuff for their shops, and my wife said, My friends having a shower. A little while back I was watching this documentary on transvestites, and they start talking about the transvestite scene thats been on Hotel Street on Oahu for 55years. I dont remember. Now, I dont know whats wrong with your vagina that makes you think it needs to be rejuvenated. Let me show you some skills. Traditionally in American comedy clubs, theres three acts. Get a dress the size of a fucking barn and come on back to the Golden Corral. [mooing] They call it Golden Corral, of course, because somebody was already using the name Ye Olde Fat Fuckery. .08 is a revenue stream for the federal fucking government, is what .08 is. So Ive just driven from Dallas to Sacramento to make $400. This is, uh This is brilliant. Your Ticket Confirmation # is located under the header in your email that reads "Your Ticket Reservation Details". Cause .08s not drunk. [high-pitched] Thats all. One [giggling] ..fucking eyehole. I started this tour a while back in Las Vegas, and while I was there, I was walking down the Strip, my wife and I, and theyre having a sex toy convention, which is one of their five biggest conventions of the year. Nobody wants to be a white asshole, but everybody wants to have one all of a sudden. But let me tell you something, folks. Shes gonna overinflate him. I got 17 friends behind me. Theres an opening act that makes between 100 and 200 a week for nine shows, the feature act, which is what I was, makes between 400 and 500 bucks a week for nine shows, and a headliner who can make absolutely anything depending on who they are. Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up 2018 | Maturity Rating: TV-MA | 1h 3m | Stand-Up Comedy Ron "Tater Salad" White dishes out his signature brand of cynicism, riffing on sex, celebrity and the sinister habits of wild geese.
